Film #73: The Social Network (2010)

Plot - The one and only fact I learned from The Social Network: Mark Zuckerburg is a fucking asshole, and anyone who thought his life was interesting is a bigger asshole.

Form - Why is everything yellow? Real life isn't fucking yellow all the time.

F/X - No.

Acting - No.

Mise en scene - "What am I going to use to design my set? Let me think...oh, I know: yellow."

Quotables - No.

Cool stuff - If this category was boring shit, it'd be a 7/7. I've never seen a film so difficult to enjoy.

-4/7

Film #72: Game Changer (2012)

Plot - A truly ridiculous ensemble plays in the most confusing film about politics ever. It's all about them randomly picking Sarah Palin to be John McCain's running mate, but from there it sort of gets confusing. Do candidates really sit around watching MS-NBC to gauge what the media thinks of them? Is Palin supposed to be brave for running for vice-president or a total fool for not knowing anything about foreign policy? Did Palin actually give great speeches like every character in the film tells me? It's propaganda to be sure, but who does this serve?

Form - Eh.

F/X - No.

Acting - Everybody's great, and Moore proves herself to be the ultimate Sarah Palin clone.

Mise en scene - Not really anything cool. This is "reality" after all.

Quotables - Eh.

Cool stuff - I dunno. The whole film is really muddled and unfocused, and I'm not sure who's version of history it's presenting. Perhaps that's an honorable accomplishment in and of itself.

3/7

Film #71: 24 Hour Party People (2002)

Plot - Lock a bunch of hipster-ass post-punk people from England in a movie and you get this shit.

Form - Half the movie I'm staring at the main actor talking about how film blurs the lines between reality and fiction. Thanks for spoon-feeding me hipster though.

F/X - CG pigeons suck/

Acting - Hipster shit.

Mise en scene - Hipster shit.

Quotables - "I'm so glad we made a movie about my life, it blurs the lines between reality and fiction blah blah blah blah oh god I just took a huge hipster shit mid-sentence, but anway the club was costing us money and blah blah blah."

Cool stuff - No.

0/7

Film #70: Rudy (1993)

Plot - Pauly Shore's best friend stars as Rudy, a short and stupid guy who wants to play college football. Sentimental shit, but it's sort of funny because Sean Atstin's in it.

Form - It's a lot like those Lifetime movies if they were shot on real film.

F/X - No.

Acting - For a confused and aimless short person, you can't do better than casting Sean Astin.

Mise en scene - Bright as shit.

Quotables - "I'm short and stupid and I want to play football" is Rudy's mantra.

Cool stuff - No.

3/7

Film #69: Lock Up (1989)

Plot - Stallone's locked up, forced the finish the last of his minimum security prison sentence in a maximum security prison all because he pissed off the wrong warden. Psychological torture ensues in the most entertaining way.

Form - The warden confrontation scenes are pretty phenomenal. I love the first meeting, where the warden's shrouded in a haze of red lights.

F/X - No.

Acting - Stallone and Sutherland killin' it.

Mise en scene - Grimy prison cells. Atmospheric stuff.

Quotables - No.

Cool stuff - I love the scene where Stallone's friend steals the warden's car and somehow survives getting shot at for five minutes, and the final showdown is legit intense.

5/7

Film #68: Honey, I Blew Up The Kid (1992)

Plot - It's the reverse of Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Very little of the original cast returns, making the story feel a little barren compared to the original.

Form - This film inhabits a strange space between late '80s and early '90s comedy, although it makes you think there wasn't that much of a difference anyway.

F/X - The baby effects look awful. I'm surprised I thought this film was good when I was five.

Acting - Everybody sucks.

Mise en scene - No.

Quotables - No.

Cool stuff - Giant baby.

2/7

Film #67: 48 Hrs. (1982)

Plot - Buddy cop bullshit. It's probably because it's one of the first, but there's not a whole lot to set it apart now from all the garbage it helped create.

Form - No.

F/X - No.

Acting - Isn't it kind of creepy that Eddie Murphy tries to look the same now as he did thirty plus years ago? Everybody's good.

Mise en scene - This doesn't even have all the cool neon lighting that makes most eighties cop films great.

Quotables - There's supposed to be, but nah.

Cool stuff - Not as much as there should be.

2/7